Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Trying to Cope

Savannah's appt with the orthopedic specialist is now Monday at 3:30 at Ark. Children's Hospital.

I now have to ask off for Monday, possibly Tuesday too if they put her in a brace ( no way in the world I'm going to work the next day when they first put her in the brace!). I lost a day without pay today which we just can NOT afford right now, and I have to ask off I'm sure a lot more days for all this. My job/boss is NOT understanding, and they will eventually come down hard on me just like they did for missing so many days last year when I was put on BEDREST and MATERNITY LEAVE. If they can't give any on that, then they won't give on anything! I am supposed to turn in my lesson plans tommorow ( no other teacher has to do this) because I am on a improvement plan that I don't deserve to be on... there's no way I can get those plans done by tommorow after this.. I've asked my principal in the past to let me turn them in one Friday due to my kid being sick, and she flat said NO. NOT a BIT of UNDERSTANDING!! There's no way she'll allow me to turn these in Friday! Ya know what? I am going to turn them in Friday anyway, and the heck with her and that stupid school. If they jump me for turning them in Friday instead of tommorow considering my circumstances, don't ya think I could justify calling my AEA rep?

I just can't take it anymore. I am drowning in stress, and it is absolutely going to kill me. I hate my job, and they hate me. Why the heck won't they just release me with pay like they did the other teacher? I've been put through this crap for 3 years now.. 3 YEARS!! I could handle things a lot better if I didn't have to deal with this stupid job. Savannah is double covered, and if I lose my job, we lose her double coverage which has been a Godsend with all her problems. I don't know what to do, but I can't deal with all this anymore!

So, now it's another 4 more days of agonizing wait for this appointment!! Somebody please just shoot me and put me out of my misery because I have just about reached my breaking point, and I am having an extremely hard time coping!

Emotionally Drained

I am so emotionally drained right now. This has been a really bad day. I made all the arrangements at work to take off tommorow for Savannah's appointment with the orthopedic specialist, and it was all for nothing.

I called to confirm the appointment earlier today only to find out that we weren't even scheduled. I was completely shocked because the doctor scheduled this appointment before the end of her check-up, and everything was verified. I called the pediatrician pretty upset. I spent all day trying to get somebody to tell me what the heck was going on.. literately on the phone on and off today. Finally at 5:00 p.m., the pediatrician called me. She was extremely apologetic and told me that the person at the specialist clinic who set up the appointment was not the person who usually does this, and she did not know that this specialist no longer sees patients with Savannah's problem. When the lady who normally does the appointments saw we were scheduled for Congenital Hip Dysplasia, she canceled my appt and didn't bother calling me or the pediatrician.

I was so livid that the lady didn't bother calling me or the pediatrician. I can't begin to understand how somebody could be so heartless of somebody else's situation to do something like this. I mean it's not like we were seeing a SPECIALIST for the fun of it. She has a serious problem exspecially with it being caught at her age, and it's critical we start treating her ASAP. So, for this woman to just brush it off like she did, it really burns me up. I am going to call and speak to somebody tommorow when they open and do some major complaining. I don't appreciate what she did. I am a forgiving person, but when it comes to Savannah, I will come completely unglued. She's the most precious thing in my life, and I'm pretty protective of her.

The pediatrician told me they are trying to get her an appointment to see a orthopedic specialist at Children's Hospital. I was told they would call me tommorow by noon, and if for some reason I haven't heard from anybody regarding an appointment time, etc, by noon, I am to call the pediatric clinic and tell them to put me through immediately to a nurse named Elena. I hope I don't have to do that. I just hope they call me with the freaken information because if I have to chase people around tommorow begging for help, I think I'll scream. I've been through enough!

So, to sum it all up.. I have taken off work tommorow for no apparent reason now. I can't get in touch with my principal to tell her what happened, so she could cancel the sub. I guess I will just have a day off tommorow. I just don't have the days to be missing like this, but it's not the end of the world either. I don't know what else I can do. This was not my fault, so they can't hold that against me. They'll get over it. It's not like they really seriously give a crap about me anyway. If they give me a lot of trouble over this, I will just call my AEA rep. Point is.. I really don't care. I probably won't be there next year anyway.

I took a hot bubble bath to try and relax, but I'm still pretty tense. I am going to bed soon, and maybe sleep will be the best thing right now because I am completely emotionally screwed up, and just completely drained.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Rough Night

It has been a rough night. I have had one of my moments where I just broke down and cried. It's really hard not to be scared, worried, stressed out, and restless. It is 11:13 p.m., and once again I can't really sleep. I haven't slept very good since Savannah's 9 month check-up this past Wednesday when we completely unexpectedly found out she had a problem called hip dysplasia in her left hip. We were also told that she did not develop a left hip socket while in utero. I have been pretty much trying to just process everything since we found out.

We have an appointment with the Orthopedic Specialist this coming Wednesday. We will hopefully be getting a final diagnosis, and we will also begin treating/fixing this problem also. I am ready to find out what we are going to be up against on fixing this. I hate just waiting and anticipating this appointment. I know from my research (that I finally stopped) that the way they treat this sort of thing is with a cast, brace, and/or surgery. I am just ready for Wednesday, ready to get the ball rolling. This has really be an agonizing wait.

Matt finally expressed his feelings and concerns about the whole situation tonight. He hasn't really said much about it until tonight when he told me that he was having the same feelings and emotions as me, but that he is just dealing with it differently. He did validate my feelings though. He said he was nervous and worried about Wednesday's appointment. He said he was kinda glad that my mother was going with me (he is saving his days at work in case she has to have surgery, etc). He said he would rather me tell him what we are going to have to do to fix her hip problem because he is too nervous to deal with listening to the doctor. I am just so glad he finally told me how he felt because it just really validated my feelings. I don't feel so alone now.

It's nice to have a place where I can vent my feelings. This really helps to relieve some of the stress and tension. I'm going to go check on my baby girl (sleeps beside me), and then crawl into bed myself. Maybe I will sleep better tonight.. I hope!

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

First Diagnosis

Welcome to my blog. My daughter, Savannah, was diagnosed with Congenital Hip Dysplasia of her left hip while at her routine 9 month checkup on November 21, 2007. We were completely stunned and shocked when we were told our little girl had this problem. She had shown no signs of a problem existing, so we were just expecting another routine check-up without any problems. Instead we were immediately sent downstairs for an x-ray and an ultrasound of her hips after the pediatrician discovered a click in her left hip.

Her right hip socket was shown to be a little shallow, and we were told the left hip socket did not form completely while she was still in utero. Again I was just stunned. I had so many questions runnning through my head. Why my child? Why did this happen? Did I cause this some way? I felt very helpless and emotional about the whole situation. I had a lot of difficulty trying to come to terms with the fact she had this problem because I wanted to believe that she didn't. I think Matt was in denial too until he actually saw the ultrasound and the tech explained what he was seeing.

The pediatrician referred us to an orthopedic specialist the upcoming Wednesday, November 28. The idea of leaving this appointment not really knowing a confirmed diagnosis and treatment from the specialist was really hard. I don't do very well with waiting and anticipating things especially when it comes to my daughter. This was not going to be an easy wait. Both Matt and I wanted to know exactly what was wrong with our daughter so we could just move forward and begin treating it.