Friday, December 28, 2007

Spica Table PIctures

I have ordered a special customized table for Savannah from Ivy Rose Furniture. See my link on the side of my blog for her website. She will be able to use this table/chair while in her spica cast and her brace. She will also be able to use it when she's completely out of both the spica and the brace.

If you click on the Ivy Rose Furniture link and scroll down a little, you will see a flying pig table. We are going with that design but instead of the pigs, we are using my little ponies. My sister-in-law, who is really creative and awesome with microsoft paint, drew me a sketch last night of the my little pony design I had in mind. She helped me come up with the design and everything. I think it's going to be really cute.

I am posting pictures of her sketches, and I am also going to update this post as the table is being made. I have already received a sketch from the designer, and I asked permission to post the progress of the table being made as she sent me pictures along the way. If she gives me the ok, I will post her sketch too.

Here is the sketch my sister-in-law did for me:


Here is the sketch the designer has drawn so far:





Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Christmas Pictures

Here is a quick picture of Savannah in her Christmas dress. I will update this post later with more pictures. Proof there is hope for dressing your spica baby cute!




1st Christmas

I would have never thought that my little girl would be confined to that huge cast on her very first Christmas. I didn't know how she was going to open her gifts when she couldn't sit up without the help of a beanbag, wagon, and/or plenty of pillows. What did I know? I knew I was going to do everything in my power to make sure she had the best first Christmas I could possibly give her. I wanted to make things as normal as possible for her. I was so obsessed with everything having to be perfect for her.

I decided against all odds to try on the Christmas dress that I had gotten her before her surgery. It was a size 12 months (had a onesie to wear underneath), and spica babies need their clothes at least twice the size they were wearing before the cast. I can say from experience that Savannah's cast was much bigger than I had anticipated, and she needed bigger clothes. You can imagine how suprised I was that her dress actually fit her. She looked precious and the cast barely showed. I put a white bow in her hair, and it was the first time I felt like I had a normal baby since her surgery. She looked perfect, just beautiful.

We plopped her on her beanbag and used the boppy pillow to prop her up even more. I sat beside her and we opened up gifts. She was really content with the situation, and she squealed at some of her presents. She got a lot of books and baby einstein videos, a play gym that can be adjusted for play laying down, sitting up, etc, and she got a leapfrog activity table. She loved the activity table although she is unable to use it the way it was designed. We had to adapt it to her situation by taking the legs off it. That thing was/is a huge hit. She also got a radio flyer rocking horse from my mom and dad. We gave that to her early so she could enjoy it before her surgery.

We went to my mother's house for Christmas dinner. It was so nice to be able to get out and do something normal for Christmas. Savannah enjoyed being able to get out about as much as we did. Mom cooked the best holiday meal she's ever cooked, and we had a great time.

We ended Savannah's first Christmas with a trip around the neighborhood to look at all the lights. Her special carseat lifts her up high enough she could actually see the lights ( a bonus to having a big bulky carseat). She squealed with excitement until she finally wore herself out.

I wish that we could have gotten her more for Christmas, but she got a lot of her gifts early because of her surgery. I know that she will not remember this Christmas, but I hope that when she sees all the pictures and hears all the stories, she will know that I did everything I could to make her first Christmas special.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Savannah's Surgery

December 19-20, 2007

This was by far the worst day of my life. Rocking Savannah to sleep in a hotel room the night before, it didn't occur to me that it was the last time I'd hold her that close for awhile. I wish now I would have thought about that and held her a little longer, but I can't roll back time. The day of her surgery arrived quicker than I felt ready for, but I knew this was for the best. The idea of having to hand her over and walking away was the hardest thing I could imagine thinking about. It was definately the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life.

We had to dress her in her little yellow hospital outfit, and they we just sat in a room and waited. The doctor finally came in and gave her some goofy juice to help her relax, so she wouldn't freak out when I had to hand her over. It took 10 minutes for that stuff to take effect, but when it did, IT DID! She started acting stupid. She was all groggy and she'd look at me and laugh uncontrollably. I laughed at her although it really wasn't a funny situation. It was funny, yet not funny. I was relieved she wouldn't be screaming when I left her, but it didn't make it easier like I had thought it would. That time finally came. I carried her to the two double doors, and I had to hand her over. I hugged her tightly, kissed her, and then sat her on the little gourney, and she just looked at me and started laughing. I guess that's better than screaming. She was so out of it, she was clueless to what was going on, so she just laughed as dh and I walked away. I thought I'd be ok until I hit the waiting room. I saw my mother sitting there, and I just lost it. I completely lost it. I wanted to go back and get her, but I knew I couldn't. We were told they would update us in about an hour. I tried to read my new Bible that I bought the day before, but I couldn't concentrate. I finally just sat there and talked to my sister in law in an attempt to get my mind off it. The pastor of my church and his wife showed up unexpectedly, and that was a really nice suprise. He said a prayer with us while she was in surgery, and then waited with us until her surgery was complete. I thought that was just so nice, and I was so blessed to have their support. I could not stop looking at the clock no matter how hard I tried. The last ten minutes were the hardest. Right before 9:00, I saw our doctor enter the waiting area. I was really suprised because he was supposed to be updating. I kinda panicked for a minute wondering why he was out there. He gathered us all together and told us he had good news. We were told that he was able to fix it with a closed reduction and she'd be in the cast for 6 weeks instead of 12. Again, I completely lost it. I was so relieved that I just sobbed uncontrollably. When I finally pulled myself together, I could not wait to see her.

It wasn't long after that, the doctor came out and told us we could come back. Seeing her laying on that gourney, still asleep from the anesthesia, in that HUGE cast was a shock to me. I knew what the cast was going to look like ahead of time, but pictures just do NOT do it justice. I was overwhelmed. My baby girl was inside that big pink brick, and I hated it. I hated seeing her like that, and I was really worried about her reaction to it all once she woke up. I refused to leave her room until she woke up, and I stuck to that. My mother brought my lunch to her room, but dh went to the cafeteria to eat. She woke up while he was gone. At first, she started to fuss a little, then she saw me. I just started talking softly to her, letting her know mama was there, and stroking her hair. She smiled at me. That was the best reaction I could have gotten, and I was relieved. She tried moving her legs, and began to fuss a little about the fact she couldn't move like she could before, but it wasn't long she was over it. Since then, she's accepted it really well, much better than dh and I.

We were trained later that morning on how to change her diaper, tape all of her cast openings, and all the other cast care that we needed to know in order to keep her cast clean and dry. It was quite overwhelming, and I was scared of what I would do with her once I got her home. The rest of the day and night was pretty much spent either holding, feeding, or riding her around in the wagon. I was so glad when her IV was finally removed because we were able to hold her much easier, or as easy as you can in a big bulky pink brick (as I call the cast). By that night, we were ready to go home. Dh and I both agreed we were overwhelmed but could handle it better at home. The doctor came in later and said we'd be released pretty early the next morning. We were happy about that.

We were released around 9:30 that next day, after being loaned a special car seat and receiving training on how to use it. The trip home was different. Watching her in that huge cast in that huge car seat was hard. It's hard to look at her sometimes. Since we've been home, all three of us have had the stomach bug. As if she hadn't already been through enough, she's had diahrea and vomiting on top of it. I promise the stomach bug does not make diaper changing in a spica cast easy. We've already went through ALL of our newborn size diapers given to us by the hospital. She misses me being able to cuddle her like we used too, and I do too. I will explain more in my next post. Right now, I've got to get some sleep. I am still recovering from my stomach bug. I still have so many more feelings I want to get out, but it will have to wait until my next post.

Friday, December 7, 2007

Preparing

My subject line says it all. I have spent this week making preparations for Savannah's surgery. I have researched my heart out, and I have even found a support forum in which I am now a member. I have talked to the orthopedic specialist, my pediatrician, and other people on the support forum who have and/are going through the same thing. There are so many things we will be needing in order to properly take care of her after the surgery. My list keeps growing everyday, and it sometimes overwhelms me to look at everything we need, exspecially since there will be more than what is on my list so far. Here is my list as of now:

Diaper Changing

1. Diapers - two different sizes, possibly Huggies overnights (waiting till we are trained at the
hospital).
2. Poise Pads - (I have to put one these inside the smaller diaper for extra protection).
3. Cotton Roll - like they use on perms ( this is to seal up her leg openings to help prevent
leakage in the cast).
4. Waterproof Tape - to go over the edges of the cast in ALL openings to protect her skin.

Clothes

1. Onesies -two sizes bigger than what she can wear now so they can fit over her cast.
2. Shirts - big enough to fit comfortably with cast
3. Dresses - also big enough to fit comfortably with cast.

Bathing

1. Washcloths - she has to be sponged bathed while in the cast ( 12 weeks at least). This is going to suck because she absolutely loves the bath. * I am still researching this to find out if there is anything else I can get to make bath-time easier for her. *

Toys, etc

1. Wagon - Something to help transport her room to room in that cast.. mom's on the support
forum suggested this.
2. Beanbag Chair - another thing suggested by the support forum (a neighbor of mine is
loaning us one.
3. Videos, etc - I'm getting her some for Christmas (hopefully this will entertain her some). * I am also still researching what other special toys I could get her for Christmas. She will not be able to play in her walker or jumperoo both of which she loves... gotta get her some things she can actually use to entertain her*

I am sure there is going to be a lot more things added to the list. There is so much that has to be done to prepare for this. I just want her to be as comfortable as possible.

You know, sometimes good can come out of horrible circumstances. I am finally getting to stay at home with my baby (my dream), yet this was not how I envisioned it. I am still grateful though that I am going to finally be at home with her. I am really excited to be able to have extra time to really bond with her, although the circumstances do suck. I just have 6 more days of work before I am home with Savannah.

Another good thing that has come from this: We have been trying to decide which doctor at the pediatric clinic we wanted to choose permanently. My job made it very hard for us to see the same doctor with each visit and I hated this. We've been trying to make a decision, and we finally did last night. We received a phone call out of the blue from the doctor that saw Savannah her first 3 months of life. He said he was checking her file to see how she had been doing with her check-ups, and he read about her hip and the surgery. He was calling to see if there was anything we needed or any questions or concerns he could help answer. I talked to him for about 15 minutes, and he answered a lot of questions for me. He was so kind and compassionate, and I felt really comfortable talking to him. I just couldn't believe he called us out of the blue to see how we were doing. I've never had a doctor do that before, and I knew after talking to him that God had just sent us the answer to our doctor problem. We now feel that this doctor is the answer to our prayers.

There are still so many emotions running through me. I can still cry at the drop of a nail. I have moments where I deal with all this really well, and I have other moments where I just feel very sad and helpless. I am really scared about the surgery and the anethesia. I just want the surgery part to be over with, so we can move ahead. I feel overwhelmed at times, I really really do. I know that Matt and I both are strong, and I know Savannah is too. I also know that we are going to make it through all this, but it's still a lot to deal with right now. The road ahead is going to be hard, no doubt about it, but one thing is for sure...the grace of God will get us through it.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Surgery 12/19/07

Savannah will be having surgery December 19th.

They are going to go in with a needle and insert dye into her joint to determine if they can put the ball back in the socket without having to do open reduction. The doctor said if they were unable to put the ball back into the joint after the dye test, they would have to do open reduction. Either way we are in a spica cast for 6 weeks, and I believe he said we come back and do a cast switch and she will have that cast for another 6 weeks, and then we are in a brace! We will have to make a decision when she is 18 months on whether or not to do surgery again with another 6 weeks in a cast or she can wear a brace for a whole year. That's our options at 18 months. If we do the surgery at 18 months.. once her 6 weeks with the cast is over...this whole ordeal should be over... same thing with the brace for a year. I don't want to make that decision this far in advance, so we are just going to take it one day at a time.

I have so many thoughts and questions going through my head right now. What kind of clothing can she wear? What size should I get with the cast and all? Is there something I can get her so I can feed her.. because her high chair won't work with the cast? What about diaper changes.. how on earth do I change a diaper with that cast? Are there any special toys or things I could get her to help make her life easier? Is she going to be in a lot of pain after surgery if they have to do the open reduction? How is she going to react to this cast? What can I expect her to be like when she wakes up for surgery? I've actually wondered what if she doesn't come out of the anethesia?.. horrible thought I know, but I am just really scared right now. I have a lot of emotions running through me right now. Matt and I both are an emotional mess. We aren't really eating well or sleeping well either. There are times when I am really optimistic and I know that I can handle all this, and then there are times I wonder how am I going to possibly deal with it all? I'm just a mess right now.

I feel horrible that I haven't responded to my post on EB regarding her upcoming surgery. You have no idea how much I appreciate all the love and support everybody has given me. I have read each response through my tears, and I appreciate each and every one of them. I will respond when I can cope and find the words. Right now, I just need some time to deal with things. I hope all you wonderful ladies can forgive me for not responding yet. I am grateful for all the support, because I need all the help I can get. I have cried all day, and my husband isn't doing much better than me. My heart feels like it's being crushed in a million pieces. It's so hard to even look at her sometimes. I just feel so helpless and sad right now.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Emotional

I was an hour late getting to school today. Everything finally hit me this morning, and I just lost it. I knew once it all hit me, I would be a mess. I have been in tears on and off all day. There was just no way I would be able to give my students 100% of me, so I decided it was in the best interest of the students and myself if I just called in to work and let them know I would be a little late this morning. I needed to be alone, no husband, no parent or relatives coming to my house or calling. I just wanted to be alone for awhile, so I decided to just get in my car and ride around. I knew if I stayed home, my dad (whose retired now) would have probably noticed I was home when I should have been at work, and he would have stopped by or called in concern. He's awesome that way, and I love him for it. This time I just needed some time alone. I decided to ride around and get away from everything.

My best friend, Christina, from New Jersey consoled me on the phone while I drove around crying. I wanted to go somewhere and park and be alone, but in this little town, there is no such thing as privacy. I tried stopping at Sonic, Big Banjo's parking lot, and I even tried stopping in a grocery store parking lot. I was uncomfortable at all these places. I finally ended up in the parking area of my church. I was at ease there, and knew this was where I was supposed to end up this morning. As I sat there talking to my best friend, I confessed my location and how I really wanted to go inside and talk to my preacher. I was too embarrassed to go in because I hadn't been to church in so long. Of course, Christina being the wonderful person she is, encouraged me to go talk to my preacher. She reminded me that I had no reason to be embarrassed about not going to church in so long, and that it would do me a world of good to talk to him. She convinced me that I ended up at my church for a reason this morning. I knew in my heart that she was right and that God had let me back to my church. There was no other explanation for the difference in my feelings while in the church parking lot compared to everywhere else I had went before I ended up there. I did eventually go inside to talk to the preacher because I knew that was what I was being led to do, and I followed my heart. However, he was out on a call. Even though it saddened me that our meeting would have to wait, I knew I was doing the right thing. I left a message with the church secretary to have him call me and set up a time I could come and talk to him. Then I went into the sanctuary and prayed. I got on my knees and just prayed. It was so cold in that church, yet while on my knees, I was warm. I felt as if I had received a great big hug when I left the church. I instantly felt better, and I knew I could finally handle going back to work. I know that God gave me that big hug..it was such a great feeling!

The rest of my day went better than how my morning had started out...until my principal met with me for an hour after school about my job. It was an emotional meeting because I literately cried the whole time I was in there. I couldn't handle being lectured about things they thought I wasn't doing (which I've definately done everything they asked), and try to also deal with Savannah's situation. I was still in the grieving process over my baby, seeing as I had just found out the day before. You would think some people would have been a little more sensitive to the matter. I was pretty much told in this meeting that I would not have my job at the end of the year. This was no suprise to me since they've sabbatoged me and tried everything they could to get rid of me for 3 years. I was already planning to resign at the end of this year, but Savannah's situation is just going to make it all happen much faster. So, even though I was already leaving anyway, I still thought it was pretty cold and insensitive for the principal to approach me about that when she did. She could have easily done it any day, but she chose the one day that I was trying to cope with the news about Savannah. I can't help but think what a jerk she was for doing that.

This has been a very emotional day, and I am just drained. I have felt so drained and tired tonight. On a positive note.. the preacher did call me back, and I will be meeting with him tommorow after school.