Rough Night

It has been a rough night. I have had one of my moments where I just broke down and cried. It's really hard not to be scared, worried, stressed out, and restless. It is 11:13 p.m., and once again I can't really sleep. I haven't slept very good since Savannah's 9 month check-up this past Wednesday when we completely unexpectedly found out she had a problem called hip dysplasia in her left hip. We were also told that she did not develop a left hip socket while in utero. I have been pretty much trying to just process everything since we found out.

We have an appointment with the Orthopedic Specialist this coming Wednesday. We will hopefully be getting a final diagnosis, and we will also begin treating/fixing this problem also. I am ready to find out what we are going to be up against on fixing this. I hate just waiting and anticipating this appointment. I know from my research (that I finally stopped) that the way they treat this sort of thing is with a cast, brace, and/or surgery. I am just ready for Wednesday, ready to get the ball rolling. This has really be an agonizing wait.

Matt finally expressed his feelings and concerns about the whole situation tonight. He hasn't really said much about it until tonight when he told me that he was having the same feelings and emotions as me, but that he is just dealing with it differently. He did validate my feelings though. He said he was nervous and worried about Wednesday's appointment. He said he was kinda glad that my mother was going with me (he is saving his days at work in case she has to have surgery, etc). He said he would rather me tell him what we are going to have to do to fix her hip problem because he is too nervous to deal with listening to the doctor. I am just so glad he finally told me how he felt because it just really validated my feelings. I don't feel so alone now.

It's nice to have a place where I can vent my feelings. This really helps to relieve some of the stress and tension. I'm going to go check on my baby girl (sleeps beside me), and then crawl into bed myself. Maybe I will sleep better tonight.. I hope!